learning to grow
Good news, I’m feeling better and I can stop with the vague, emo posts raging against my old boss. 🙂
I’ve missed writing on the blog but I needed to take a step away from most things and recenter.
I ended up going to a hotel a week ago in order to be left alone from the kids and get my mind right. Went for a hike, got a nice dinner and dessert, then I watched Harry Potter all night in the hotel bed.
Quiet. Alone. Wonderful.
I ended up stumbling upon Financial Audit on YouTube. I never would have watched it unless I was by myself and had time.
Cringey. Convicting. Funny.
I watched until 1am and I learned SO much. I realized how stupid I’ve been about my finances and that I need to grow up.
I don’t think I necessarily ooze cringe or anything. But how Caleb called out the stupid thought processes that the guests had…boy I felt like he was calling me out directly.
I didn’t feel great over that weekend. But I did start work that Wednesday and it was so nice to be back. I’ve missed my coworkers and customers. I’ve missed no stress and talking herbs all day. It was very pleasant to be back.
I watched more Financial Audit over that week. I started taking shilajit. Reflecting on the YouTube show, and the Unshrunk book I read, and thinking about my life…I felt myself grow.
It’s been good. I feel the fire in my belly from passion again. I’m accepting this year for what it is. I’m genuinely starting to feel good again!
It’s pretty great.
I didn’t realize how much I got beat down this year until I started to feel better. I don’t think I even realized how depressed I’ve been.
I paid a final notice medical bill. I applied for a secured credit card.
(I have no credit cause Josh just handled everything for me and before that I was on drugs and never did anything with my finances besides payday loans)
I saw my sister. I’ve been working. I’ve been evaluating my thought processes and trying to take responsibility.
I gave my mom her Kohls credit cards back. There have been a few times I switched what I was going to get to a budget friendly or healthier choice.
I’ve been working out! Which is a big deal cause I sat for 2 months. My body needs some training but it feels good to feel good.
I went to church and I missed it a lot.
Oh and I made magnesium lotion and a batch of homemade hot process soap!
🙂
And I teach my first herbalism class tomorrow for my kids homeschool coop. It’s for high school students and I’m pretty excited for it. I am really investing in it and I hope the kids learn something from me.
Life is turning around. Yeah it’s been a rough year, but I learned and have grown a lot.
There’s a lot I’m reflecting on and things I want to do. I look forward, for the first time, to the season change, so I can stop and reflect.
I feel like my brain is finally clear after a lifetime of chaos. (More on that later)
But I’m here and I’m doing okay. I’m grateful for my life and these opportunities. I look forward to continued growth.
It’s all good. Now I’m looking forward to more writing projects. I have a ton of ideas!