in a mood apparently
I guess I’m writing two today.
I had a good day today. I slept in, had my morning coffee with Grace and watched Isaac play spiderman on ps4.
We had a gentle morning. Then we packed up and went for a chill hike and explored for a while.
I read my book, cleaned the house and made dinner. I took another shower just cause I felt like it.
It’s nice being back in tune with the family, the weather, the house, the moon and the cats. I thrive when left to do whatever I want.
The last few months have been a blur (more on that in another post). I ignored every sign my body gave me to stop but I kept plugging forward.
I do appreciate time with my kids now. I’m grateful to have an opportunity to honor my body's needs and be able to actually nurture my family.
I keep wanting to regret the experience or say it was a waste of time…but it wasn’t. I appreciate the forceful disillusionment of the toxic wellness industry.
Now I’m trying to pick up where I left off and figure out where we are going. And take time to rest and recenter.
I did come to the conclusion I am passionate about local, underground herbalism and education. That I refuse to buy any more supplements or get caught in the wellness hype. That I will double check sources before I believe what I read. That the internet sucks but I want to find a way to use it efficiently without it taking over in my home.
Growing pains but painful nonetheless.
I don’t really want to talk to anyone.
I don’t particularly want to do anything.
I just want silence and to just exist.
(While Isaac is telling me to “look! Look!” While he plays spiderman and does his spidey moves in the background. So precious but fries my nerves and I just sit here trying to contemplate big thoughts, feelings and ideas…)
“Look mom at my electro move!”
…ahh motherhood. I love every second of it even though it wrecks my introvert soul sometimes.
Anyway.
I did get the confidence to start a blog so that’s cool. I did realize that I should stop caring what other people think, cause they lie anyway.
Oh, another couple things I learned: I don’t need formal education to learn about plants. That my weird is actually an attribute. That just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean I should be doing it.
I also realized how quick humans can just decide to readjust the entire trajectory of their life in one afternoon. Creator had a hand in it of course but one sent email and it was all over.
It’s just a lot to process. It’s like a whirlpool going, going, going and then the movement just stops and I’m left to float.