I don’t care about your opinion anymore
I’ve been reflecting on a lot of big things lately - significant life transitions will do that to you.
I’ve realized that my entire life has been based on following perceived authority, seeking approval from my peers and censoring myself to be…agreeable? Or tolerable? Basically not speaking my truth in order for everyone else to be comfortable or to be appropriate.
I’m just now, at 31 years of age, realizing how stupid this is.
I am literally caring so much about what people think of my profession or my skills, when the people I’m seeking approval from don’t even have their shit together. It means nothing.
You approving of my success doesn’t mean much when we don’t have the same definition of what being successful means.
Did I really need to take a job as a writer to get feedback from my boss assuring me that I’m a good writer?
I already knew I am so why do I wait until I get validation from you to think I can write professionally? Or at least, get a couple readers genuinely interested in my work?
The older I get the more I realize how stupid everything is. I might as well throw my work out there and have my chakras unblocked instead of holding in this creative force compelling me to write.
Who cares anyway? The world as a whole is a shit show. I might as well speak my truth and hope it reaches someone who can get something out of it.
I cared so much about so many things. I cared and I really tried. I don’t think that’s a bad thing but to care about opinions, people or status is just a waste of time.
And all those “heroes”? Fabrics of my imagination. The good experiences, the knowledge I’ve received and the things I’ve accomplished had all been me. Me creating that experience and actually making meaning of it. The people who provided the information really didn’t do anything except follow their truth in producing it.
My life has been a whirlwind of chaos for a long time. Things are beginning to settle and I feel like I can begin to see how things actually were.
I decided that I do not care what people think anymore.