Emotional congestion
My old sponsor used to say “if you don’t deal with your demons, they’re going to deal with you.”
Oh how true that is.
For the past couple months, I signed up to join the system. Going from a stay at home mom, to working full time remote. The company actually wanted 40 hours of active screen time per week (unrealistic, but I digress).
It went from living in tune with my family, my body and natural rhythms to work. Hustle. Repeat. No matter how you feel.
Everyday produce. Everyday interact. Everyday sit in front of a screen.
(Boo-hoo poor Jenny had to do a job! 🤣)
I did it for 2 solid months. Juggling kids and babysitters, trying to maintain the house and feed everyone, trying to still participate in life.
It was challenging.
The work was optional and something I was into so I actually wanted to do it. Money was nice. I learned a lot of new skills and had some interesting experiences. I got a chance to write and have it be published by people who were going to read it. It was pretty cool.
Then one day…done.
I shut the laptop after a full work day. My body clearly spoke to me and said it’s over. You’re not opening this laptop again.
Thank God I have the luxury of being able to quit and go back to my little part time job at the natural food store up the street. And I’m blessed to have a husband to support me.
During the couple months of work, I ignored a lot of signals my body was giving me saying that I was overstimulated, this is too much, and for gods sake STOP. I didn’t have the luxury to stop and feel. To have a gentle morning. I just had to keep going.
There were feelings that came up that I had to push away for another day.
Then the day came where it all caught up to me.
I quit about 3 weeks ago. Now my life is simple and quiet again, the emotional congestion is pretty overpowering. I’ve done AA meetings, counseling, long hikes, morning meditation, clean eating, exercising, all the things but it doesn’t seem to be working.
I pushed the feelings that I had for those 2 months deep inside of me and now I have to deal with those demons. And it sucks.
That’s all.